Must I go on pretending, where is my happy ending?

I wonder if it is true that the most wonderful books are ones we relate to. I relate to Clare and Henry, their lives, hopes and dreams. This is more than a science-fiction romance story, it is philosophical and deep. I understand when Henry whispers to Clare “It is dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing.” I understand the waiting, the sadness, the yearning, the worrying and the wanting. Even to the last words of the last page of the book is beautiful: “I waited for you, and now you’re here.” How can you not love a book that starts like this:

Clare: It’s hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he’s okay. It’s hard to be the one who stays.
I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.
I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I’m tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that’s been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?

- The Time Traveler’s Wife
Audrey Niffenegger

I would recommend this to Nimonster because I know he loves a discussion about the concept of time, and Niffenegger’s philosophy of time is nothing less than beautiful. But I am afraid he will relate to Clare and Henry, and feel the sadness like I do. But then again he doesn’t even have time for me anymore, so I doubt he’ll have time to read a book.

It’s been more than a week since I finished the book. But its story and sadness is still lingering within. I guess it is true then. The most wonderful books are ones we relate to.



27
Jul
2009

Stick your hands inside of my pocket, keep them warm while I am still here

The pen is a powerful thing. Words are powerful things. Love letters are powerful things. I will always try to find a way to hear your voice. I really want things to work out between us. I’m going to try really hard. Not just for you and me, but because of us. I read, and read again, hoping to feel what they meant but nothing came. So easily written, so easily forgotten. Words are powerful things.

I came across an article written beautifully by pinkpau. It read:

“we are always fighting when we’re together. is this the thing about long distance relationships that seem to span a lifetime: that the distance is what holds the two people together because incompatibility becomes diluted by the continents and the seas? could it be that we trudge about and immerse ourselves in the pathos of our seperation to forget that ultimately we are just not meant to be? but i love you most at night, like this, when you are sleeping and snoring like a bear would, and i can say all kinds of soothing things to you that you never hear because i always forget to unmute the microphone. love is so weird.”

I feel sad today. But there’s always Billie, Chet, Ella and Louis to keep me company.

 

 

Tell them this love hasn’t changed me, hasn’t changed me at all.



24
Jul
2009

And the ‘I Hate 2009′ saga continues…

I sit there, with my eyes coming out of my head, wondering if the lecturer is speaking Spanish, or is it just me? Everyone else seem to understand him/her and even answer the occasional question. Classes are massive, 40 to 100 plus people in a small, cramped, and not very well ventilated room. I think I was too pampered with the small, cozy, 8 people classes, and comfortable leather couches at Monash.

Two days of Marketing gibberish is making me really nervous. All I wanted to do in class was scream, “I AM AN ARTS STUDENT! GET ME OUT OF HERE!”. I can write a 5000 word essay on postmodernism, surrealism or even freaking Goddard or Ozu in a week’s time. I can watch the same movie 10 times and still find something new from it to write about. But I cannot give you the definition of marketing, or understand your 5 mins worth of explanation on integrated marketing communication. integrated wh-at?

I’m screwed aren’t I? Just say it. Cause I know it.

And, I’m paying $20K for this screw up. FML.

Oh, did I tell you? I am one of the chosen ones from half-girl’s blog-birthday giveaway lucky draw. I am anticipating my badges. I love snail mail. :)



21
Jul
2009

Some things we don’t talk about, rather just do without and just hold the smile

So today was a very productive day. I finished the job application the night before, which gave me a massive headache uggh I really hate headaches. Anyways, woke up early, do the usual check email/facebook/blog surf while having brekkie. Then I took the train all the way to the city, because now when I say “I’m going to uni!” it means in the City, not Clayton. RMIT is still a stranger to me, buildings are across the street from each other, not across green grassy lawns like at Monash. Got my student ID card. Why do all ID pictures turn out shocking!? Settled more uni stuff. Now all I gotta do is show up for classes next week. Oh, and buy the incredibly expensive textbooks. Oh oh, and since I’m a postgrad student I don’t get concession for public transport anymore. What bullshit. I spent $50 on my train ticket today, and considering I have classes 4 days a week, that ticket would probably only last me a week. So guess what? I’m going to go in debt because of public transport costs TO GO TO CLASSES. =.=”

I am ready for Uni. I have all my pens and pencils. Hee.



15
Jul
2009

Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

I have never felt so crushed before. I guess the people you love most always hurt you the most. I hate how I’ve been stripped of my spirit and shiny-ness. Those were the qualities I loved about myself. Meredith said, sometimes the hardest decision is the right one. I don’t like to give up easy, mainly cause I really hate losing and I admit I’m a real sore loser. But I gotta keep going, pick up the pieces and walk on. If that guy with no arms and no legs can get up without anyone’s help after he falls flat on his face, I with everything intact sure can. Tomorrow will be a new beginning.



13
Jul
2009

Cross-stitch Sunday

I finally discovered Spotlight! Hallelujah! It’s a craft haven for craft nutters like me. :) So I bought this cute bib for Brandy, my bratty Pomeranian, because she always makes a mess on her furry area under her chin (if you get what I mean!). I also chose a nice pink thread to personalise it for the bratty princess. Because the bib was a bit too big for her, I modified it a lil. We’ll see if it works during dinnertime!



12
Jul
2009

I am not the campaign, I am the movement!

I finally watched Milk. What an incredible movie, especially with the incredible Sean Penn and amazing director Gus Van Sant. You’ve got to watch it to believe it. Another thing about the movie was how it reminded me of San Francisco and how much I miss it. There’s just something about that city. Maybe it comes from all the movements and fight for rights, all that passion, blood, sweat and hope. Picture taken one cold rainy morning, not a bad one especially since Nimonster was rushing me to cross the road, lucky I got my snapshot!

“If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.” 
- Harvey Milk



10
Jul
2009